So I took that courageous first step: I quit my job. I turned in my two-week notice and hoped beyond hope that I hadn’t made a stupid decision. I felt stupid walking away from a job without another one lined up, but I suddenly felt so very free to go for my dreams again, to be me – artsy, creative, unique, interesting. But unemployment is no man’s friend. Not only are you not earning money, you are stuck at home way too much, you have no money to go adventuring (unless, of course, your previous job was lucrative and you were a good saver), and you feel down in the dumps about your worth as a person. You spend so much time writing applications about how wonderful you are at everything, only to get turned down over and over again. It’s exhausting!
I realized that summer, more than anything, that I needed to go back to school in order to get a job that was satisfying, enjoyable, and intellectually stimulating. But I was not sure what I wanted to study. My depression had also gotten considerably worse in the past year and I knew I needed to take care of my mental health before I could move on to anything else. I finally realized that I needed to do something I always swore I would never do: move home. In the past, I had always looked down on college graduates who moved back in with their parents (or never left home in the first place), but I realized there was no other way to go about it. I felt ashamed to do something I had fought against for so long, but I knew it was a good decision.
I moved home and started a new phase of life. It took some time to adjust to living with my parents again, but my time at home was healing and so very needed. I was able to explore career options, reconnect with my family, and work through some of my depression without the stress of paying my rent or living on my own. For a little while, I felt I had failed because my status as an independent woman seemed injured, but realizing my need for help and taking back a promise I had made years ago was one of the best decisions I have made in a long time. Thank goodness for that courageous first step.
It helped get me here: graduate school in New Orleans!
- I took that courageous first step: https://soarwithlaughter.com/2016/11/16/was-it-courage-or-was-it-impulse/
Read from the beginning: https://soarwithlaughter.com/2014/09/02/soar-cloud-high/
2 thoughts on “The First Step”
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